False Fulfillment: Jake Wilson
False Fulfillment: Jake Wilson
I am a sinner, but my sins have been paid for. Love called my name and showed me home. Y’all best get ready for some transparency, because that is ultimately the best way I can show all that Jesus has done inside of me
Dad, I cry to you day and night desiring to be closer and deeper in Your Presence! Nothing can ever compare to the true joy and security you provide. I pray that whomever may read this post would have open eyes, open hearts, and a desire so geared towards a relationship with You that their eternity is next to You! Impress Your name upon their hearts O Lord, use me for whatever You want, I am just a tool in Your kit, a vessel that you prize and have complete control over. “He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less.” ~ John 3:30
I would like to begin with how I would define a testimony. I would describe this a story. However, it is not my story… but Jesus’ story through me and inside of me. Mine starts from our (Jesus and I’s) first intervention. Let’s get started.
Throughout my preschool days in the church to my multiple camp experiences, my eternally minded parents have always pushed the Gospel and church upon my siblings and I out of love. Sluggishly, I took the easy (temporary) fix and grew complacent and fixated on satisfying them instead of satisfying God. I did not care what God thought, I wanted what I wanted and I wanted to cause as little trouble as possible (aka appease my parents so I would never get in trouble). This deception taught me two things: how to lie and how to get away with it. The world is a tricky place and if we conform to it then we are destine for self-fulfilling traits and actions. As I grew older, I grew more curious. My fulfillment was being met through things that were only here and gone, instead of here to stay. For 17 years I lived without God. I knew who He was, but I was not curious at all to what He had to offer, only to the tangible things the world offered. This is where selfishness comes in… If I had simply opened my ears ONCE and stopped being selfish I would have heard His name. But that is not how He wanted my story to go, He wanted me to deprive of myself and come after Him on my own, not by my parents will, but Jake-willing (Even though He is completely sovereign and knew the script from the beginning). I had fought wars against pornography, jealousy, anger, alcohol, drugs, sex, envy, and insecurity for years before I even recognized that I was alone on the battlefield. That is how sneaky the devil is. All I had to realize is that I was fighting a war that had already been fought for me. Story time.
Junior year of high school spring break, it had been a crazy week. I was so drunk the entire week that I, to this day, hear stories about things I did on that trip that I had no clue even happened. I had lied to my parents to even go on the trip and it was all because I wanted to be full, I wanted to feel free, and my flesh was leading my spirit and mind while being without hesitation. Day 6 of the trip (day before we were going to leave) 6 A.M., everyone else is in their beds, but I had just snuck back into the house and was lying on the shower floor sicker than I had ever felt before. My eyes would literally not open. I had hit solid-rock bottom. So unlike anything I had ever done before, I prayed. I said, “God I don’t know you, I don’t deserve this love it sounds like you give, but can I have it cause nothing else is filling me?” Within half a second, my illness, my drunkenness, my pain, my shame, my terror, and my doubt were lifted off of me and stripped away. I felt love for the first time. God showed Himself to me and made me feel like a son. I got a taste of what life could be like. So clear, so visual, so untainted. I shook His hand for the first time and met the dude who saved me from eternal damnation, even though he had been with me since the beginning. LET’S BE A GENERATION THAT STOPS IGNORING JESUS!
Now like any other friend, you don’t just jump on the train and hangout 24-7. He would ask me to hang all the day and night, but Jake was so broken and feeling so unloved and undeserving that excuses swarmed in. I knew what He could do, but I was still terrified, heck this was eternity. A couple months later I came across a word from God that changed my mindset forever, “For the wages of sin is death, but the FREE gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord.” ~Romans 6:23. If my heart was full of Sin (noun not verb) then I was going to hell, if my heart was simply with Jesus I was going to heaven. Simple. I was taught Grace. I realized that I did not deserve this, however it was a GIFT and was mine if I would simply unwrap the present. So… I said heck yeah. Since this interaction I have only grown deeper and deeper in love with my man Jesus.
It does not take getting to rock bottom to meet Jesus, He is reaching out at all times, ready to take your hand any second of any day! When He said “Tetelestai” (It is finished) on the cross, He was saying that He had done it, He had defeated Sin forever and He had reached His hands out to us (as he does on the cross when His arms are spread) to come with Him to His eternal destination. I took His hand, and I still grip His hand everyday because I don’t ever want to feel that sense of loneliness or insecurity again that I was once defined by. My new identity was Son of God, forever citizen of Heaven. It does not get much better than that.
A recent realization leads me to this analogy. Say, I have a friend. His/her loving parents are not going to call me and ask me to come hangout with them and spend the night with them everyday forever, no matter how loving they are. But, if I come with their child, their arms are open wide and they would accept me into their home with open arms. Jesus is my friend, and His father welcomes me Home with open arms! God sent Jesus to connect with us, to take on every temptation that we have, He was seeking to relate to us so that He could have a relationship with us. “…But as for me and my household we will serve the Lord.” ~Joshua 24:15 This is referring to not just our literal households but our bodies as well. My body is the household of my Spirit, soul, and flesh. And as for me and my three parts, I will honor it by serving the Lord! For it is a gift and a blessing, not something to experiment on.
Judah Smith (a people-loving, Gospel-preaching, world traveling author and pastor), in His book Life is _____. makes a very life-changing point when He explains this: “The opposite of love [another name for God] in not hate; it is selfishness [another name for an idol]. Adam and Eve chose self over love. They chose self over God.” (Smith 10) I am declaring no more desires of Jake, but desires of God to be met for the rest of my days! God created me and gave me a choice (life or death), so I choose Him!
His story inside of me is not over, yet it is just beginning because it is time to watch the fruit flourish through me for whatever He has in mind for me. My heart is yours Dad! Lead me where my trust is without borders!