Soul Food: “Nine Things Not to Say at Thanksgiving” by May Patterson
Thanksgiving is a beautiful idea—families and friends gathering for the purpose of being thankful. But sometimes getting together can be, well—a little strained. If we aren’t careful, we can easily say something offensive. Often, one careless comment can spark mealtime drama and turn the holiday bittersweet.
Most of us from big families know this—there is the good, bad and ugly side of holidays. If our Thanksgiving is not quite as idyllic as a Norman Rockwell scene, we go away frustrated. One way to make it better is by really thinking about the words that we say, before we say them.
I admit I’ve said the wrong thing way too often. But this year at Thanksgiving, I want to show my appreciation to God by blessing everyone He has put in my life. So, I made a list of what not to say, just to keep me on my toes. (Feel free to help me out by adding to the list in the comments section below)
1-Not: “When are you guys going to have babies?” For infertile couples, this is a really painful question. Think, think, think before asking personal questions.
Instead: “What’s been happening since I saw you last?”
2-Not: “I just don’t understand why people homeschool.” Most likely, there is a homeschooler at the table or someone’s best friend homeschools, etc. Be careful with negative opinions—never give one that will hurt someone at the table—verbal darts wound, no matter how “politely” they are thrown.
Instead: “How is homeschooling?”
3-Not: “Is this turkey organic, free-range and antibiotic-free?” The day is for giving thanks and being with family, not for lecturing others about the cancer-causing agents in meat. It’s Thanksgiving, and as Erma Bombeck says, “the thing we are most grateful for is a holiday from dieting.”
Instead: “Thank you for preparing such a beautiful turkey.” Take a small slice and ease up—it’s a holiday!
4-Not: “I just can’t imagine being a stay-at-home Mom—what do you do all day?” Many people ruin holidays by asking condescending questions like this one.
Instead: “What do you love most about being a stay-at-home Mom?”
5-Not: “This is delicious—did you make it or order it?” Yes, I’ve gotten that question a few times, probably because I’m not a stellar cook. It doesn’t really matter who made the food—just be grateful.
Instead: “This is delicious—you are so kind to have us all.”
6-Not: “Did your girlfriend break up with you, or did you break up with her?” Some people have no filter. While that can be a refreshing quality, it can also be offensive. Family get-togethers are a great time to filter our words. Thinking about what we can say to encourage and bless helps keep our words in line.
Instead: “I am sorry to hear about your recent break up.”
7-Not: “I hate missing the game.” Even if you feel this way, take a TV break and live in the moment. This also means putting away cell phones. Texting at the table is rude, because it shows others you aren’t very interested in what they have to say.
Instead: “I am so thankful to be here with everyone.”
8-Not: “Yuck, how can you eat that?” I am guilty of this one. When the giblet gravy is passed around, I feel queasy just looking at the floating giblets. Some people love it, and I need to be respectful.
Instead: “No thank you, would you like some?” (Gag behind a smile)
9-Not: “Remember Aunt Bertha’s nasty toenail fungus?” Talking about tumors, bowel movements (a grandparent favorite), infectious disease, or bunions can destroy the meal.
Instead: Redirect the conversation—almost any subject is better.
Thanksgiving can be a disaster or it can be wonderful. This year, I hope to make it as happy as I can by using words of love, grace and uplifting humor. Remember, God put us in families to give us a place to belong—and a people to belong to. That is a great blessing. So let’s be a blessing in return. That’s the best way to express thanksgiving at Thanksgiving.
Prayer:
Father thank you for giving us family and friends. Help us to bless them every time we are together.
Reflection:
Pray for your words to be kind before each family get-together.
Make it a point to tell others why they are a blessing to you.
Treasure Hunt:
“Everyone enjoys a fitting reply; it is wonderful to say the right thing at the right time!”
Proverbs 15:23 NLT
“A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare. The tongue of the wise makes knowledge appealing, but the mouth of a fool belches out foolishness.”
Proverbs 15:1-2 NLT
“Be gracious in your speech. The goal is to bring out the best in others in a conversation, not put them down, not cut them out.” Colossians 4:6 MSG
Faith in Action:
Pray for God to help you use words of blessing. Study the Bible for good examples of loving and encouraging words.
Author: May Patterson
May Patterson, author of the book A Time to Seek, began writing in response to God’s grace. And by His grace, she has written magazine articles, Bible studies, and spoken at a variety of events. Her desire is to help people draw closer to God. May is married to her dear friend Mike and they have three grown children. She has a great love for the outdoors, travel and blogging at http://maypatterson.tumblr.com
2 Comments
My dad used to coach us to avoid the subjects of religion and politics. However, I always have a non-condescending testimony of how God has blessed me or taught me something new ready to slip in if an appropriate moment occurs.
A good Thanksgiving tradition we use is to have each person at the table express what they are thankful for. That way the quiet ones know to be thinking and ready for their “spotlight” moment and the talkers have to “give up the floor” for a while. It usually brings such a sweet Spirit of connectedness.
Those are great thoughts Connie. It sounds like you are prepared for a great Thanksgiving–and for great conversation!